K, whatever

So you didn't get that promotion you were supposed to get? Didn't get that job you've been telling me all about? Meeting didn't go as well as planned? The one I've been rooting for you on, and I was so happy and excited for you. And so you don't want to talk about it? That's fine... Might just be a guy thing. Might be that Draygon is right. Might be that you don't think of me nearly as much as I think of you. Might be that you don't think of me at all. Well, cheers. Have fun in Texas. Maybe you'll run into the other one who doesn't think of me anymore, maybe just by chance. You guys will have a lot to not talk about if you did. Cheers.

Know what happened after that? I was driving home, thinking of you. I wrapped my hand tight around my prayer beads, my radraksha beads, and though of you, thought hard of you in half a dozen memories, half a dozen visions of your face. You called me less than 5 minutes later. I don't believe in coincidence. We talked nicely, as friends, for quite a while. You complained about losing that promotion, I listened sympathetically. I invited you over. You said you didn't have enough fuel, and no money. I offered to get you some gas if you wanted to come up. We flirted a bit. And then after a while you mentioned how you got some extra money so you could buy your final eighth. You said this, knowing how I hate to hear of it. Knowing our agreement. And silly me, I'd fallen still in love with you, feelings that had been buried over the last couple days, and it hurt. And I brushed you off. I texted you and yelled at your for once again choosing your drugs over me. But I got to thinking about all of it for once and I've come to this conclusion. The head games aren't yours now, they're mine. I expect myself to be treated like something to you, when you've made it clear I'm not. You've done nothing more than what you've always said, treated me like only a friend. And of course I've pushed my side with all the grace of a sky-diving rhinoceros. And that's oh so me, I must always have my way. Silly girl. You might be stupid but I'm completely dense, with my little self-destruct button firmly pressed down. So here comes my most recent attempt to walk away. To not be surprised when you do exactly what you always said you would. I thought, for a few fleeting moments, that I didn't trust you. But you've only lied to me once, weeks ago, and apologized for that many times. No, I don't trust me. I don't trust me with you. So lovely that you're going away to give me time to be without you. I'll miss you, but I know it's for the best, for the sake of my health.

Union down

I heard it first on Alice this morning, then found it as the top story on Denver 7 when I checked their site at work. Beth and Doug Hammer, a quiet couple in a gated community, are staging an even quieter protest to the uproar of their neighbors and local HOA. On the anniversary of the war in Iraq this past March, Beth went out to fly her flag like she did every morning. But on this particular morning, she flew it union down. Upside down. One might recall that movie “The Last Castle”, and how the flag being raised upside down was a sign the castle has fallen. Flying a flag union down is a sign of distress, something Beth feels the nation is in. Do I agree with her? Doesn't matter (though I do). Do I approve of her flying our beloved flag upside down? Doesn't matter (and I really don't know). But something about this story really got to me. Not in an uncomfortable sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach way, but in a fascinated I want to learn everything about this I can kind of way. After a wasted hour and a half I had failed to procure Mrs. Hammer's contact information, which I knew I would. I did contact one reporter hoping he would send on an e-mail to her. Incidentally Beth and Doug, if you by some random chance of fate happen upon your names here, drop me a line.

Here's what I've learned in my research today. Beth does not support the war in Iraq. Beth does support our troops, here there and everywhere. Beth feels there are important issues to be dealt with at home, that we focus too much on foreign policy. I have to say I agree. Beth and Doug went to Maui recently. Good for you!

Anyway, I guess I'm just sharing. With my estranged big brother doing yet another tour in Bahrain, anything regarding the war hits close to home. Anytime freedom of speech is challenged (even under the guise of an HOA contract) I sit up. Beth is exercising her right to free speech and her right to protest. She is doing it quietly and peacefully, harming no one. Yes, some vets in her neighborhood are mad. One article I read says one of her neighbor's has taken to flying her flag wrong-side up as well. If nothing else, she's caused a stir and people are talking.

Kudos Beth and Doug, stay strong. Thousands upon thousands of brave young men have died so you have the right to hang your flag union down. They're still dieing, for a lot of silly little political reasons, but ultimately because they loved this country and chose to serve, and God bless every one of them, whether in the heated battle grounds in the red zones of Iraq or sitting safely at a desk in Alaska.

Here is a link to one article regarding this, if interested I'm sure you can Google up a few more. Incidentally the author of this particular article, Mr. Johnson, is the reporter I contacted.

'Woman's flag upside down, as are neighbors' responses'

The importance of race cars

There is a reason that toddler, trouble and tantrum all begin with T. I'm not quite sure what that reason is, but it sounded good... I took Even to the store tonight because that's what a mother does when she's out of milk. To my unrestrained horror, we quickly discovered that all of the car-style shopping carts were in use. Commence tantrum. By the 2 yo, not me! My look was one of sheer terror I'm sure, though I tried to be brave as I steered the little siren towards a regular cart. You know the problem with all 6 cars being gone? Besides the screaming and the yelling and the pleading? I swear we saw every single one of them as we went through that store. What should have been a leisurely shopping trip turned into a mad dash to gather milk, diapers, and Chef Boyardee amidst the screams of "DOWN!" and "UP!" and "DADDY!" (mind you had he been with daddy he would've cried mommy). You know those horrible children you occasionally meet in a busy grocery store at 5:30 in the evening after having completed a hard Monday at the office and you want nothing else but to shop and go home but their piercing wails follow you up every aisle you wander? That's my child. That's my child without his car shopping cart. Not that I didn't try to stop him, I did! I tried to let him push, he ran in to things. I tried to carry him as I pushed, I ran in to things. I tried to seat him properly. I tried to put him in the basket part. I swatted his butt. I pleaded, I threatened, but short of getting home and turning on the sprinkler (merely so he could watch, he wouldn't actually play in that frigid water) would he shut up. The tantrums continued off and on throughout the evening, despite letting him drive the car (no, not with the keys, stupid!), taking him to the park, giving him a bath and following it all with ice cream. He now lays on the couch buried beneath and 5-foot long blue tiger. Scratch that, I've just spent the last 15 minutes rocking him back to sleep... Think we better abandon that subject...

Clarification required

I’m a little fuzzy on where the new boundaries are. How far can I go before I’m pressing the issue? Pushing too hard? Saying things you’d rather not hear? Like can I still tell you that I love you? It’s no less true now than it was a week ago. I know I can tell you I’m still upset about Wednesday, but can I tell you when you hugged me tonight I felt that all too familiar painful ache in my chest? I thought I was falling right back out and now here I am again. I wasn’t out, I was just distracted… Am I allowed to tell you how much joy I got from watching you play with my littlest boy, or how just watching tv in your living room was a wonderful evening? Can I tell you that my line carved in sand seems to get washed away with the tide when I’m with you? Or that I WOULD wait for you if you asked me to? Can I tell you you have two of the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen? And I know I already told you I wanted to kiss you, but what if I said it again? At what point am I just that annoying little stalker chick from up north? I couldn’t manage to tell you that it was never too far to drive to see you, and I almost said I want to drive you to the airport next week so I’m guaranteed to see you before you leave. Am I allowed to say I’d fall into your arms if I knew you’d catch me? And how many times could I say I missed you before it was banned from conversation? I don’t think I’ve said it in a few days but I do. I could scream and shout about wanting to be yours, but I know it wouldn’t make any difference. And if I was smart, I wouldn’t contact you at all til you come back to town and we could see how we both feel then. But then I’d be miserable and you’d be a mystery to me. And I don’t honestly think you’d go that long without contacting me, just cuz I didn’t contact you. I do miss my 7 o’clock text message… Maybe we should bring that back? I guess there’s nothing else to say…