V Day

Brian got neutered today. Don't ask how I feel about that as it doesn't really matter. I made a deal and a deal is a deal. It is what it is and it's done now. The funny part came about trying to get in to have it done. The appointment was for 7:30 this morning and we arrived at 7:15 to find the office locked and the lights out. No big deal. So we'd been sitting there a couple minutes when the nurse comes around the corner wrapped up in a sweater. Turns out she had stepped outside for a minute and as the door closed behind her she realized she'd forgotten her keys inside! So apparently there's a co-worker who lives down the street so she ran down there but didn't remember which house was hers. That's when she saw us. We invited her into the warm car while she waited for someone to come. About 7:35 a receptionist showed up so the nurse hopped out to go inside. We decided after a few minutes to go as well but discovered the doors still locked! Did she really forget about us? As we're standing in the cold laughing incredulously, the doc rolls up about 10 minutes late. We explain the situation and he hops out of his truck carrying a plate with a half-eaten enchilada and lets us in the back door. Apparently the nurse told the receptionist to let us in and she didn't. We were amused ;o) I was there for an appointment later and apparently everyone was giving her a lot of shit for it.

So my appointment was to have my meds changed. I wanted to switch to a generic Lexapro but apparently there isn't one. Instead doc put me on generic Celexa. Years ago the name brand had me all muddle-headed, so we'll see how it does this time. I'm on 20mg to start and I check back in in 4 weeks. I thought I should keep track of my moods to see how it's working. So this is day 1, going from 10mg (20 in the last week) Lexapro to 20mg Celexa generic. Feeling generally annoyed with the world today but trying to be nice cuz I know Brian is in a little of discomfort. Still feeling sad and down.

I've come to the conclusion that I miss romance terribly. The dating scene and all that I guess. Holding hands and stolen kisses and butterflies and all. I spent a good part of last night remembering scenes with Delacroix, probably the most pure relationship I had that never amounted to anything. Wondering about if I had made different choices and all that. Not that I want him now, I don't know who he is now. But I do want him then, if that makes sense. Me then wouldn't be so bad either. But life is where it is right now and I need to figure out how to accept that and be okay with it. I need to decide if I'm going to stay where I am or have a do-over. Again. Really not sure. Things are mostly comfortable here but too comfortable or too annoying or too predictable or whatever. 

Not making much sense, guess I'll go to bed.