Six of One, Half a Dozen of the Other

What a long week it’s been… I haven’t seen you in 3 and a half weeks. I’ve seen you once since you asked me to be your girl. I haven’t heard from you at all in more than 72 hours, not a peep. It’s become a coin toss, the way I look at our situation. One minute I’m patient and quiet. The next I’m tortured, saddened and raging. Dragon would have dumped you long ago. Nickles says you’re good for me and my impatient nature. So here’s how my thought process works at these times.

You’re such a sweet and wonderful guy, and I know you’re a good man. You have ambitions and goals, you have a plan. I have no doubt you’ll achieve what you want to financially and career-wise. And what’s the big deal about being apart? It could be worse, you’re not a soldier in Iraq. You don’t live six states away. I’ve looked into your eyes before. And if I eventually want forever, what’s one more day, and then one more?

But then, how long does it take to send one little text? Where’s the reassurance I’m even ever on your mind? Here’s one more guy who can’t be bothered with me except on his schedule. And yes, it’s more stressful for you to have to worry about keeping me happy. but did you ever consider how stressful it is for me to just not even know? Whether you care? Whether you’re safe? Anything?

And I go back and forth, back and forth…

I love that you texted me so much I had to up my cell plan;
that Fraggle Rock turns you on;
our inappropriate phone conversations;
that being with you feels like coming home;
that you’re trying to get back in shape;
your beautiful eyes and sexy voice;
that you play the piano for me over the phone;
you tell me I’m beautiful, and you’ll always keep me safe;
you tell me you can’t remember a time before me;
you trust me enough to show me your house;
you forgot to pick up your mom from the airport because you were with me;
I'm the first girl to bring you flowers;
you calling me at 11:30 at night;
you’re proud of my martial arts ambitions;
the way you can’t look at me when I’m touching you;
the way you peek anyway;
you’re accepting of my imperfections.

And I hate that you ditched a good dinner for a little snow;
that you missed a day, then an evening, then a night;
that you’ve never showed up on my doorstep surreptitiously;
you’ve never woken me up after sneaking into my house in the middle of the night;
you ditched me last Saturday;
and then Sunday;
and Monday too;
you don’t call when you say you will;
you never text me back anymore;
you never return my e-mails anymore;
work is always more important, regardless of plans;
I’m not worth your time.

Songs that come to mind?
Whatever It Takes
Precious Illusions
Realize

And yes, I’m still here. But I keep thinking I can’t do this forever. And then I think what a quitter I’d be if we broke up. And then I think 'how much longer are you gonna let another guy treat you like shit?' And then I think 'but it can’t go on like this forever'. And then I think but what if it does? And then I quit thinking, it does me no good.